From our first 10K back in 2011
I don't even remember what my first 5 mile run was like. I'm sure that I was ecstatic, because it would have been a new PDR, but what other emotions did I experience? Fear, anxiety, elation, frustration, doubt? I don't know.
As a semi-experienced runner, I should not feel like I cannot do a 5 mile run or that I am going to completely fail while out there. I think part of my anxiety comes from the fact that this training cycle is not going the way that I envisioned, but then again what training plan of ours has gone exactly 100% according to plan?
Even back in 2011 when we started this journey of ours using the Couch-to-5K program we had one failed workout and we had to repeat it. Ironically, as I train for my first 50K, it was one of the last workouts of the program (where you run for 30 minutes straight) and we decided to do it on some trails. That didn't go well and we stopped early before the 30 minutes were up and then we repeated the workout the next day. We had already run our 5K, the way it worked out our race ended up happening the weekend before we finished the C25K program, so really our "failed" run wasn't a big deal.
During our second 5K back in 2011
As I think about it, all of the times we have "failed" at completing something on our training plan it hasn't been the end of the world. Sure, sometimes races haven't gone the way we wanted but that's what makes us stronger.
All the times we have sat on the side of the road too tired to keep going, or when we got stuck in a lightning storm while cycling and I stood on the side of the road screaming for someone to pick us up, or when Mike crashed, flipped over his handlebars and fractured his mandible. The times when the waves were too strong, even for experienced swimmers, and I stopped us short, or when it seemed like Mike would NEVER get through a ride without getting a flat, or when we've had to call people to come pick us up, or when I have gotten injured, or when I wrote down the directions wrong for a run and we had to walk 5.5 miles back to the car two weeks before our Ironman. To the missed, cut short or rearranged workouts, all of these things and more, have made me who I am. I am an Ironman, marathoner, badass triathlete, and hopefully I can add ultramarathoner to my profile soon.
This. This is why I do it.
And if not, I won't give up until I can.